Harder now that it's easier

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It is harder now for it's easier now.

It's more difficult now to know where the line should be drawn.

The border between the usual tired and dangerously tired.

The border between the burgeoning labour lust and dangerous enthusiasm.

The border between moderately challenging and risky exhausting impression.


Before, I was completely exhausted, almost evenly.

It was all about accepting the position.

Don't be depressed, in despair.

Let your body rest and recover.


Now I'm better, much better.

I can read the newspaper without the brain stops working.

I can plan my day, and sometimes stick to the plan.

I can set the clock and fix lunch and be on time and strandstäda a day.

Since I killed in bed and sleeping 11 hours but still. I can.

I can be social with more than one person in two hours without having to put me and rest afterwards.

I have ideas for the future, zests and small outbreaks of genomförarenergi.

I can watch video, listen to music, read books, without the brain backfires.

Fixed shopping center is still just as exhausting. Not that it makes me slightly:-)


But all this just in smaller portions.

And not too many things at once.

And time for recovery in between.

Not too many people, too many decisions, not too busy.

Because then I fall head over heels back in exhaustion.

Although not long, one or two days of withdrawal in solitude is usually enough.

But still.

I have yet to check on line.

The moves, jumps back and forth, just all the time.


I want so badly to work again. For real.

Be part of a context, make money.

Don't be a "parasite of society", that is, living on grants.

Or survive, rather.


It is more difficult now, when I'm going to make my comeback to the 100% healthy and working.

Train up my ability.

How in God's name do I know if I'm working out too hard, or too little?

Feel like the little child who learns to go, again.

Try to stand, try go, fall, get up.

Over and over again.

In the end, it is possible. In the end, go to.


I could then, and this is why I am now.

It's just to start.

Strandstädning works great.

Now I will test more.

It does not matter if I fall sometimes.




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